Any person that is a close family member or friend of mine knows of my obsession with Disney. However, they know I have a special place in my heart for Sleeping Beauty. My wedding was even themed around this fairy tale. There are many reasons I love this story, but my favorite part of this classic is the ending. Aurora, her prince, and their families are finally all together. Aurora and Prince Philip dance off into the clouds. As the camera zooms out of the gorgeous jeweled storybook, we see the final words on the page – “And they lived happily ever after…” The book closes and the screen fades to black. This sounds like a beautiful, peaceful ending to their story, doesn’t it? You are left feeling that everything is right in Aurora’s world, and you almost envy that peace and happiness you know the princess is feeling. I mean she has everything she needs now to be content for the rest of her life. Prince Philip is going to be by her side and take care of her every need. Right? Wrong. Every woman is probably brought up with this lie (no offense, Disney). This is somehow the way a love story ends, and if you just find a man that loves you wholeheartedly, all of your needs will be met. I’m sure you have heard or used the phrase “you complete me” at some point in your life. Society tells us that our husbands are supposed to complete us, and we believe that our husbands will fulfill every need. The worst part of this lie is that it sets up our husbands for failure. I have already seen this mindset negatively affect my first year of marriage with Heath. After countless arguments, I realized that the root of a great many of our problems was how I was approaching the idea of marriage. I believed the lie I was told that Heath was supposed to make me feel loved, cherished, and desired at every single moment of the day. Now, he does, of course, make me feel those things, but at any moment that I felt insecure or unsatisfied, I blamed him.
The truth is my needs are met in Christ alone! I discussed this concept in an article I wrote in 2018 called “Waiting for Happily Ever After.” (https://www.sharelife.me/waiting-happily-ever/) Thank the Lord for His grace because I had forgotten what the Lord had already taught me about the purpose of marriage. Ladies, please listen to me here. Jesus is the secret. Through Jesus we are always and eternally loved, cherished, pursued, accompanied, forgiven, befriended, and desired. In Him we have someone who cares, who listens, who wants to help us with our problems. That is the truth that leads to happily ever after.
Expecting a husband to satisfy all your desires and needs will create a huge gap in your marriage. It is guaranteed to lead to discontentment. In a Wednesday night Bible study, I was shown a triangle similar to the one below to represent the relationship between a husband and wife.
In this image you can see that the closer a wife and husband get to God, the closer they get to each other! In this same Bible study, we read Isaiah 54:5, which says, “For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called” (ESV). These two things were the key to opening my eyes to the truth I had forgotten. I was feeling unsatisfied because I was looking for satisfaction and reassurance in the wrong place!
I also realized that I was being a horrible wife to my husband because of my selfish thinking. I was not meeting the standards of an “excellent wife” (Proverbs 31:10-31, ESV). I was not “walking in love” (Ephesians 5:1-2, ESV). I was not respecting my husband (Ephesians 5:33; ESV). I was focused only on my needs and wants. It was time for me to shift my thinking from ME to WE. It’s no longer my money. It’s our money. It’s no longer my vacation. It’s our vacation. Our time off. Our house. Our cars. Our TV. You see, over focusing on ME will weaken the trust, respect, and love in your marriage…it weakens WE. When we have expectations in order to fill ME, and our husbands fall short of our desires, the result will be a deficit in WE.
When we go to God for our needs, security, and peace, HE will fill us to the point of overflow. We have to remember to stay grounded in God’s word and focus on surrendering our lives to Him. Only then will we be able to grow closer to our husbands. Our wholeness and satisfaction are found in God alone. When He is our focus, not only are we honoring God, but also through God we will be filled with love, thankfulness, and gratefulness, which will flow out of us and be reflected in how we treat our husbands. I’m sure your husband will agree that it is much more fun to be married to someone who’s secure and at peace!
We must understand that marriage is God’s idea. Make no mistake about this, because He created it (Genesis 2:18, ESV). And because He created it, we must go to him for definition and understanding. When your marriage is brought under the rule of God, your relationship can flourish and become all that God intended it to be. God created it as a sacred covenant, with the responsibility to reflect His image and advance His kingdom. Happiness is a benefit of marriage, but it’s not the goal. The goal is to reflect God through advancing His kingdom. Yes, your husband will probably do something that aggravates you (like playing with his turkey calls in the house or leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor), or maybe he won’t be sensitive to your needs. Whatever happens, release him from the burden of meeting your needs. Give those needs to God. “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen” (Romans 11:36, ESV).
References:
- From Me to We by Lucille Williams
- Says Who? by Karen Stubbs
For further Bible reading: Genesis 2:20-25, Ecclesiastes 4:12, Psalm 54:4, Matthew 19, Philippians 4:11-13, and Colossians 3:2-4.