Depression is not a popular topic. Usually, because it makes people uncomfortable or they don’t understand it. The truth is depression is a darkness that can plague anyone at any time. Unfortunately, it is something I fight every single day. In 2015, 16.1 million adults aged 18 or older in the United States reported experiencing at least one major depressive episode. Nearly one-half of those diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
I suffer from a combination of anxiety and depression. For the longest time, everything I did had to be perfect: perfect grades, perfect recital performance, perfect looks, perfect relationships, etc. I needed everything in my life to be just right. I would worry over things that there was no point in worrying about, and I still find myself doing that today. This worry would become so stressful that it sometimes might make me physically sick. I would keep thinking that if everything that surrounded me was perfect, then I could finally be happy. If I couldn’t reach that perfection or I simply didn’t succeed in something, I would break down into a pit of depression. When I reach that point, nothing can satisfy me. My mind and body have given up and I have no energy or desire to do anything because my mind is telling me that there is no point. I’m not good enough, I’ll never succeed, and I’ll never be happy. Eventually, I was convinced by my mother to see a therapist. The idea of it made me really uncomfortable because I didn’t want people to think I was being dramatic and I was just searching for attention. I really had a problem and I wanted to be taken seriously. I was referred to a woman named Jessica at a nearby clinic. It turns out that she was a Christian woman who had the same moral beliefs that I do. I began to truly confide in her and with the help of modern medicine and the coping skills I’ve learned, I was beginning to feel more in control of my emotions. Once my head was clear of the negative fog that constantly clouded my mind, I was able to dissect my feelings and thoughts and find out what my problem was. I realized that I was still searching for happiness. My ultimate goal was to just be happy. It took me a long time to realize that happiness is found in the worldly things. Happiness is what happens around you and depends on your circumstances. But that’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want something temporary. I needed something that would last and I could hold onto. Jessica finally let me in on the little secret that I was missing: joy. You see, joy is what happens deep inside your spirit and soul. Joy is the kind of happiness that doesn’t depend on what happens. It is deep abiding peace and a sense of contentment and strength based on something internal. So how could I get that? Well, I finally went to the place I should have gone for all the answers to my questions – God’s word.
In John 15, Jesus tells his disciples that they need to abide in him. Christ desired that his disciples continue to obey the words that he had spoken to them so that their lives would be full of joy. He is the true vine and we are the branches. Jesus is the true source of life and fruitfulness (John 10:10). If we are to ever have a fruitful life for the Lord, we must depend on him, fellowship with him, and obey him. Joy is based on the relationship with God and maintaining fellowship with him (John 15:10-11). The deeper the relationship, the greater the joy and the less dependency you have on worldly circumstances. My joy doesn’t depend on what happens. It doesn’t depend on what people think of me or my successes in my worldly life. My joy depends on my relationship with Jesus.
Yes, I still take medication to help control my emotions. Yes, I still see Jessica and I look forward to our monthly meetings. But even with all of that, I would not be in the state of joy I am in today without Jesus. You can take all of the medications and see all of the doctors in the world but the big answer to my question was still Jesus. It will always be Jesus. Does that mean I’m never allowed to be sad? Is getting depressed a sin? No, but staying in that depression and wallowing in it can be a sin. In one of my joy bible studies, I listened to a sermon by James Merritt. Something he said really stuck with me: “It is not bad to be sad. But God can make you glad.” As Christians, we are going to face dark times. A Christian can have joy in his heart while there is still spiritual depression in his head. The joy that we have sustains us through these dark nights and is one that survives all downturns of life. Even as Christians we are still human. It is possible to be secure in your faith but still experience depression. Sometimes the only way to overcome it is to know that it will come to an end. And whether or not you are taking medication for your depression, looking to God for His guidance in your situation is the best way to deal with your emotional pain.
Do you know Jesus? If you don’t, then you will never know joy. Have you accepted Jesus, but you feel like you’ve lost the joy in your life? Draw closer to Jesus – abide in him – know him better. C.S. Lewis said “no soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock it is opened.”
oh gurl can I relate to this one