Have you ever said something that you wish you could take back? Maybe not immediately, but after you leave the conversation and analyze what you just let out of your mouth? Or maybe it was an immediate regret, but you tried to laugh it off or steer attention away to something else? This happens to me more than I’d like. Some people are just easy to talk with, but others, not so much. These are the times when I sometimes say something stupid. The person to whom I’m talking may not think two thoughts about what I’ve said, but I go home and replay it over and over in my mind and think about the impression I must’ve made. Self-doubt jumps in, and I do what I do best: overanalyze. Lovely trait I have there. Now let’s say you’re the person on the receiving end of the comment. Do you form a rush judgment of that person and make an assumption about every facet of his or her life based on the one or two sentences, maybe 15 words, that person just said? Sure you do! We all do, but not every dumb thing that comes out of a person’s mouth should define that person. A lot of us just stick our foot in our mouth from time to time.
My husband and I have four kids under the age of 10. That right there should tell you about some of the comments I get from people. “You’ve got your hands full” is pretty common. Yes, it gets annoying. Yes, I could look at this comment and take offense to it and think, “Do I look that frazzled? Are they saying I’m doing a terrible job?” In actuality, four kids is not the norm for most families in America. “You’ve got your hands full” is a comment that just jumps in people’s minds because they’ve heard 2800 other people say it, and they just automatically think it. So, here they are confronted with an opportunity to speak to someone (and that’s what we do in the South – we speak to one another), so out comes this phrase that seems like the normal, commonplace thing to say. When I was pregnant with number four, I devised a plan that I would answer this common greeting with something to make them think, like, “My hands ARE full – they’re full of blessings!” I never got the courage to say it, though, so I just smiled and laughed and moved on to chasing my four blessings down the frozen food aisle. I remind myself that I, too, say things that could annoy or offend someone without my realization, so I try not to hold what others say against them. I take my experience, though, and I have vowed to be the old lady in the grocery store that goes up to every mother and tells her she is rocking it! That’s what mommas need to hear, even if we are really just lucky that everyone is still breathing.
Sometimes we say things because we are conditioned to say them as we have heard them our whole lives. “Fixin’ to,” “y’all” or “you guys.” “soda” or “Coke,” you say tomato, I say tomato, right? What if we say things that are not good things to say, but we’ve said them our whole lives and have never really given this a second thought? When I was a kid, “retarded” was a word that was used by so many of my peers to describe literally anything and everything. I began to use it way too much, and I’m not sure if I just didn’t say it in front of authority figures in my life or if it was just overlooked, but I never remember being corrected for it. Fast forward to my first real job out of college: I worked with the sweetest lady and got to know her pretty well and admired her gentle and genuine spirit. She was precious. One day, I was chatting away with her about who knows what and some situation I was describing to her I labeled as “retarded.” As soon as the final “d” hit my lips, I felt immediate dread, and my stomach hit my knees. This sweet friend of mine was the mother of a 26-year-old son with Down’s Syndrome. She and her husband were the most joyous, peace-filled, loving parents to this boy, and I had just completely insulted her with my poor choice of words. She did not get upset. She did not even mention that I said it. I apologized profusely and trained myself from then on to never misuse the word again. It still hurts me to know what I said. I can only imagine the things that she has had to listen to people say throughout life. She did not get offended by my mouth and did not write me off. She knew me and knew that I was not intending the word to cause harm and offense. It was a word that was said, though, and I couldn’t take that back.
Watching what we say as Christians is vital in this life. We can say something with not a single hair of ill intent, and that word or those words can completely turn another away from having anything to do with us or with our Savior, Jesus Christ. Our words can have an eternal impact. Eternal. Did you get that? Eternal. I don’t know about you, but that puts a lot of weight on me as a believer. I can say something that truly brings life to someone, or I can say something that ultimately leads to death. Eternal. I know that everyone’s salvation does not rest on my words, but if my words do not have an eternal mindset and backing, then what on Earth is the purpose in saying them? Y’all, my words convict me daily. They are nowhere near the eternal value that they need to be. I’ve got a long way to go. I fail miserably way too often. But God’s grace picks me back up, fills in the gaps that I’ve left, and leads me to try again. Every day.
Not only do our words cause hurt or help, but our reactions to the words of others do as well. People will take notice to how we react when words are hurled at us, whether they were meant for harm or were just some careless clichés. We can choose to be offended by everything that is said to us, or we can choose to look past the words and try to get to the heart of the person. Is that heart simply trying to create conversation in some way? Is the heart trying to cause pain? Is the heart miserable and lost? Is the heart just unknowing and immature? Words are just the surface of a person. We have to look past them. Too often, though, we are easily offended by the words of others, and sometimes rightly so, but the Christ-like response will ultimately shine brighter than when we handle that offense with worldly tactics. My friend at work could have gone off on me, never talked to me again, or blasted me via a passive aggressive post on Facebook, but she chose to respond with grace and humility. I would’ve never learned the lesson I did without her response. What lessons are you taking it upon yourself to teach people by responding in the same ways the world would? Friend, let me tell you that lessons are learned so much more quickly from Christ-like teaching.
So, let your guards down! And shut your mouths! Ok, don’t shut them all the time, but be careful what comes out of them for sure. Being easily offended is too time consuming when there is a world full of lost and dying people out there. And here we are spending time worrying over what someone in the church has said to us.
James tells us (oh, that James…) in Chapter 3, “…For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?” (James 3:7-11 ESV)
That last line though…
Oh, God, tame our tongues for us because we can’t do it on our own. Your word says that no human can. We NEED you! Help us to know what to say and when to say it, and help us to know when to shut our lips as well. Lord, help us to not take offense to the words of others and to know that this fire of the tongue infects us ALL and that we ALL need forgiveness and grace. Help us to be more like You in all that we say and do. You are THE WORD, Lord, the only GOOD WORD in our lives. Thank you! In Your Precious and Most Holy Name, Amen.
