The Sweet Aroma and Taste of Resilience

My little crew and I have visited New Orleans, Louisiana, quite a few times through the years.  There have been a couple of family trips, business adventures, and airport departures/returns. Many of those trips left us with stories to tell and memories we had rather forget.  There was that time when our family was departing a trolley from the rear exit for some fun at the Children’s Museum, and the trolley door closed on my arm which was reached out holding 4-year-old Emmett’s hand.  He was the last of the Coopers to exit.  The door closed after the rest of his family had left, leaving him stuck inside the trolley all alone without his people.  Panic rushed throughout my entire body as I gripped his little hand tightly, looked through the door at the fear in his eyes, and yelled, “I’m not letting go.”  Whew, I was thankful that day for good Samaritans with loud voices yelling to the trolley driver and thankful, too, that trolleys do not reach high speeds! There was also that time when 9-year-old LilyAnn was too frightened to walk down the sidewalk to our destination, because we would have to walk around a man who was lying in the sun sleeping off the night before. She was afraid that he was really dead instead of sleeping.  Then, there was that time when our crew got lost in New Orleans and arrived to our car over two hours late, fearing a boot had been placed on the tire after we had gotten on and off the wrong trolley route a dozen times and walked what felt like 100 miles. There was also that time we drove over to meet grieving mission team members at the airport who returned with one less.  Each NOLA experience has left a mark of fear, frustration, and sadness; yet when I hear the city’s name, the first thought that comes to mind is Café Du Monde – where the inviting aroma of roasted coffee and chicory drowns the stench in the air and the taste of warm beignets covered in a sweet, powdered sugar dust makes me forget how long I stood in line. 

Resiliency is the capacity to recover. My kiddos enjoy collecting soft “squishies.”  Squishies are one of those fad toys.  They are large foam-like soft objects that you can squeeze and press flat.  Some bounce back quicker than others while some are slow to rise.  Yet all squishies that are squeezed have the capacity to recover.  That’s resiliency. Resiliency grows through challenges and loss, being squeezed. Its growth depends greatly on what we choose to place our focus on. And what we choose to focus on can change everything! Our focus can determine our outcomes in life.

I recently examined some case studies for a school assignment.  There were two older adults who had experienced very similar childhoods.  At young ages, both had already lived through loss and rejection.  However, one of these two has demonstrated greater resilience while the other still hasn’t bounced back.  One of these adults still struggles today with the hurt from childhood.  She cannot seem to get over the rejection she has experienced.  When she remembers her childhood, she shares all the hurt she endured instead of the blessings she experienced.  She continues to look at life through the lens of loss.  She hasn’t found healing yet. Because of that, her life choices have come from a place of hurt, causing her more heartache. The other adult with a very similar childhood has demonstrated resiliency. When she recalls her childhood, instead of telling of the loss and rejection, she remembers the brighter moments – how her grandmother loved her, how family members invested in her future.  She has made healthier choices throughout life, too, that have benefited her and moved her farther from the hurtful parts of her childhood.  There was one primary difference between the two – their focus.  While one focused on her hurt, the other focused on her healing. 

It is more than okay to feel the feelings of hurt.  It is actually necessary to feel the feelings in order to find healing from hurt.  However, it is not beneficial to any of us to focus only on the hurt.  We can get stuck there. Focusing on the hurt can cripple us.  It can affect our relationships, our choices, and our outcomes. It will stunt the growth of our resilience. 

One of my all-time favorite movies is Pollyanna.  I watched it as a kid more times than I can count. The book and movie beautifully illustrate how our focus can determine our attitudes and our outcomes.  The character of Pollyanna displayed great resilience, and I believe it was because of her focus. In Pollyanna, the main character and her dad played the “glad game,” because “… there is something about everything that you can be glad about, if you keep hunting long enough to find it.”  I would consider myself an optimistic person, and I would love to say that I always look at the bright side to find something to be glad about in each situation — but… I do have my moments. This time of quarantine has brought some adjustments to our lifestyle.  Many of these adjustments like more relaxed schedules and more time with our families have been delightful, while some adjustments have been uncomfortable. The face masks can feel stuffy and make breathing feel more difficult. In addition to stuffy masks we wear during our limited time in the office, working from home is also not easy with all the distractions.  In conversation recently with my clinical director, I noted how difficult it has been to juggle the kiddos’ Zoom meeting schedules with my Zoom meeting schedule and how our barking dog and the sound of construction machinery outside were causing me frustrations during my meeting. While it is perfectly fine to feel that frustration, she reminded me that I could change my focus and feel much better about it all.  She pointed out that juggling those kiddos’ Zoom schedules meant I have kiddos at home to love, and my Zoom meetings mean that I have a job that allows me to still work and receive a salary during this time when many are unable to do so.  That same job that limits our hours in the office in order to keep us and the community safe also allows me time at home with that barking dog who usually has to spend many hours at home alone.  And that noisy construction work outside?  It means a gas leak (that could have been very dangerous for our home and family) was getting repaired to protect us.  In that movie that I am so fond of, Pollyanna, she explains, “…if God took the trouble to tell us eight hundred times to be glad and rejoice, He must want us to do it – SOME.”   There are HUNDREDS of scriptures in God’s Word that encourage us to “be glad” and “rejoice.”  One of my favorites is

“This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!”

• Psalm 118:24, ESV 

When I change my focus to being glad, I do feel better about whatever the situation may be, and my resilience is strengthened. 

As believers, when our focus is placed on the eternal things of God, we too can find comfort in our situations while our resilience grows.  This life on earth and its worries are temporary.  In 2 Corinthians 4:18, His Word reads, “… look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” We can see the riches of this world, but they are fleeting.  None of us are able to see the riches that our faith in Jesus promises until we leave this world and spend eternity with Him. 

Once, when the things of this world were overwhelming me, I had a precious sister in faith encourage me to write Colossians 3:2 on my hand, 

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”

• Colossians 3:2, ESV

I wore a constant reminder of where to place my focus.  Having a Kingdom-minded focus brings great hope in the face of earthly trials and challenges.  Looking through the lens of salvation as believers, we know the best is yet to come! The aroma and taste of Heaven will be so much sweeter than Café Du Monde or anything we’ve yet to experience.

When I think of New Orleans, I think fondly of the several sweet stops at Café Du Monde.  When Emmett recalls that time on the trolley in New Orleans, he doesn’t recall the fear that I saw in his eyes; he will tell you of the time his mom held on tight.  His focus is not on the hurt, but on the help – not on the fear, but on the salvation.  And that is resilience at its finest.  No one will hold us tighter than our Heavenly Father.  I pray that we can place our focus on His help and the salvation He offers.